Dating a young widower advice
But this is the norm for widowers –for one of two reasons: either the marriage itself wasn’t that healthy and he was immediately ready to move on, OR, like men of a certain age, he put everything had into his marriage and nothing into any other relationships. As such, you are presumably the first woman he’s been with for many years.
So when a woman survives her husband, she’s got a circle of friends from the neighborhood, from work, from her card game, from her book club, from her salsa classes. Regardless, he dictates the terms of the relationship based on HIS needs and schedule. To his credit, he’s taking things slow, to avoid diving into another serious relationship that he may end up regretting.
If he is truly interested in a long-term commitment, he will make an effort to be with you.
If on the other hand, he is just looking for a warm body -- it will soon become too much work for him to keep up the romantic aspect of the relationship.
Next, something I know (and have stated repeatedly) about men – of all ages: We do what we want. Which means that even if many widowers throw themselves into new relationships because of their tremendous loneliness, THIS one seems to be functioning more like your basic super-successful middle-aged man. You can give him an extra-wide berth because he’s newly single, but be forewarned: a man who is newly single (and is keeping a little distance) is probably going to want to get a greater sampling of what’s available instead of diving right back into commitment.
If he were lonely and desperate to get married, I’d feel better about your chances, but he’s not.
Ensuring that you have boundaries will help both you and him decide if you have a future together.
I made that need known last weekend in a calm, rational way.
In your book, you said that if a guy isn’t seeing you more than once a week by the 3 months point, he probably isn’t interested in a serious relationship.
In the "Third Age" article "Top Five Issues to Consider When Dating a Widow or Widower," John Gray, author of the book "Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" notes that children may be jealous of a new romantic partner in the life of a parent.
Similarly, you may be given the cold shoulder by friends and family of the widower.